I will never get an erection again.

(Submitted by Taylor Y.)

Update: I originally posted this because I thought it was Donatella Versace. Turns out this isn’t her, but an Italian countess often mistaken for her by the paparazzi, according to Gawker. I don’t want to alarm anybody, but this means there’s now TWO Bacon Monster with Implants out there. I’ll be under my bed—not getting erections.