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Whop Perguignon (Fancy Whopper & Steakhouse Burger) by Erik of Fancy Fast Food

Ingredients:

1 BK Combo Meal: Whopper with added bacon and mushrooms (have it your way), onion rings, and a bottle of “XXX” Vitaminwater

1 BK Combo Meal: Mushroom Swiss Steakhouse Burger , french fries, and a bottle of “XXX” Vitaminwater

1 Garden Salad

1 bottle of water

packets of salt, pepper, and ketchup

organic parsley (for garnish and a touch of irony)

This recipe is a “slight variation” of Julia Child’s classic Boeuf Bourguignon recipe. First, disassemble the burgers to extract the ingredients we’ll need: bacon, onions, mushrooms, the burger patties, and the buns. Using a paper towel, dry off any oil, ketchup, or mayonnaise from the buns, and then toast them in a toaster (or toaster oven or conventional oven) until they become hard and crusty. Once cool to the touch, grate the bread down into breadcrumbs. (This will be used later on.)

Next, cut the beef patties into uneven square shapes, and then slice the bacon into “lardoons” about a quarter-inch-wide and an inch-and-a-half long. Sauté these small strips of bacon in a saucepan for a bit, and then add in the beef. Sauté the meats together until they start to sizzle, and then pour in about two-thirds of a bottle of the burgundy-colored Vitaminwater. Once the beef has been moistened, take each piece with a pair of kitchen tongs and bread it in the breadcrumbs you made earlier. (This will help thicken the sauce, and make the burger squares look more natural.) Add in the baby carrots from the Garden Salad, a packet of ketcup, salt and pepper to taste, and stir. Then cover the saucepan and let it all stew for at least twenty minutes under a low heat.

Meanwhile, use a pairing knife to peel the breading off of the onion rings. Add the oniony pieces to the mix of the other onion forms and the mushrooms, and rinse them all in a colander. Then sauté these mushrooms and onions in a small skillet. Finally, put the french fries in a food processor with 1/3 cup of water, and blend until it becomes a mashed potato-like substance.

And now the assembly: place morsels of your beef stew on a fancy white plate. Top it with the sautéed onions and mushrooms, and garnish with chopped organic parsley. Put some mashed potatoes on the side, and then pour some gravy from the saucepan over the meat and potatoes. Serve Vitaminwater in a wine glass. And voila! A Julia Child-inspired beef stew fit for a King! (It’s not so hard, Julie.)

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